Holiness

Holiness, holiness
Is what a long for
Holiness Is what I need
Holiness, holiness,
Is what you want from me

So take heart and form it
Take my will, conform it
Take my mind,
Transform it, to yours, to yours,
Lord (2)

Faithfulness. . .
Righteousness. . .

Ghuma ghuma

Ghuma ghuma ke maara(4)
daveed ne goliath ko
ek pathar se maara(2)
ek nahi, do nahi,
theen nahi, chaar nahi(2)
paanch pathar ko chunke liya
aur ek pathar se maara(2)n

Mercy

Mercy is compassion in motion. Jesus is mercy in motion. - Will Willimon

Mercy is

Jesus is mercy in motion. Mercy is compassion in motion. -Will Willimon

Untitled

There's an amazing way in which you keep reminding me that you're
part of my life although at times I wonder, despite you saying, I'm
part of yours.

Sometimes I wonder whether you are just consoling me. But for this long?

I choose to believe, you're an amazing person who came and stayed as a friend.

Love you.

check

checking a poster

lastest

lastest

which

which

ding

ding

hi

hi

My new Addiction

You are my new addiction,
You are subtle and invigorating, going straight up the arteries
To the heart and then the brain.
Endearing it feels as I crack open the barriers
Letting you in, and myself out
We crossing each other on the airwave highway
I bet we'll keep crossing
But after that?

I just don't know.
It feels like before, but very very different
There's the explosive potential,
To grow, to deepen, to shape, to shine
And it scares me how it will end
There have been accidents before on this highway
And my 'caution' board hangs dusty, that
All I do these days is just ignore
At great risk ( and that's predictive)

Do I need to know where it goes?
Or do I do a Suji, " We'll see where it goes"?
Do we always need to know the end?
( as if we always know what the end is)
And why should there be an end?
Mama, your voice keeps coming back
And I shake my head
No. I want to prove you wrong,
As I don't want to have a life where relationships are shallow
And not 'not go so deep so as to not feel hurt. . . '

Feeling hurt means I went quite deep
Deep enough to risk being hurt
But the one's that have hurt me
I am still holding on
Even if the feelings aren't the same.

Why would the feeling have to change?
Is it bound to happen?

You are my new addiction,
Though you aren't brand new,
It was built over time with some deep values
So I wish that this addiction will stay
Or that I accept when the nature of the addiction changes

Oh God, I'm going to feel hurt again.

The mobile phone. Again.

I need a cell phone. The one I am using belongs to a gracious Leo who appeared at my place late one cold January night. He forced me to use his old phone (since he had bought a new one), instead of mine which was stolen a few days back. The Nokia 5140i and I have been going out for close to a year now, and clearly the battery is giving me head aches. Let's not talk about the battery now.

Now I have saved up a bit and have the choice to buy a very good phone with the usual features and may be a cool but useful feature or two. What eats me now is, how expensive is expensive? It's not that I want to flaunt a chic phone (since I can't afford a smart phone), but I want capabilities like wi-fi access which comes at a price within my saved up treasure. Still that's expensive. Yet I would like it.

Let me check: Am I feeling guilty in wanting that phone? I am not feeling too bad, honestly. I could use the extra for my other needs or save it up for future use, especially since I am going to embark on some more studies. I can even put it in a bank, like my father suggests. Or help people in need. But there wouldn't be much money left for anything else if i buy the phone with a wi-fi connection (it's a touch screen too). I don't know how to wisely use the rest of the money either.

I could buy a lower end phone, with the usual capabilities. Yet, since this is the first phone I am buying myself, my truly first phone, and stays within the amount I possess (all of which needn't be shelled out for the phone, you see), I want to have a good one.

No. 'Good' is subjective. It is a nuanced word and implies different things to different people even within the same family.

My folks' eyes will pop put if they find that I bought a phone for 9300 units of cash. Seeing them I will feel guilty.

Yet, I'd like that phone. Can I see this phone as an investment? Can I save up the money and buy a lap top or my much cherished dream of a macbook, someday? Or will money come again?

My assumption was that my confusions would be cleared if I got enough money to buy a phone. It certainly has not. I have been researching phones to buy with a budget in mind. I was set. I enquired the prices. I did semi-structured interviews with people who were users of the Nokia 5130. Finally, when the piggy bank was broken (a figurative piggy bank), there! Enough for a Samsung star Wi-fi, and the comparitively cheaper Samsung Corby and the even cheaper Samsung Corby TXT. I know the specifications of all the 4 phones, by-heart. But now, I am losing sleep on which one to buy. Money has not solved my problem. In fact, the excess has given me late sleep, too much time researching on the net, fatigue and, perhaps, a balder head (the direct effect has not been scientifically established, in this case).

A cellphone.

Who said the more the choice is, the better life gets?



Picture courtesy:

1. Samsung star wi fi: http://www.vmart.pk/main/images/samsung%20star%20wifi.jpg
2. samsung Corby: http://computer-supports.com/samsung3650corby1.jpg

Giving in, giving away

I guess, sometimes, you just give things away. Not because you want to, but because you don't know what to do with it anymore. Life comes with episodes. Many people in fancy dresses. In disguise.

Why do things and people seem so important at times and not so important later? Is this what life is all about? Why is that one feels dispensable, so easily? Is it really worth the fight? 

I can't say come away with me because there isn't a place I can take you to. Stay with me means discomfort, at times, because you don't want everyone around you all the time. 

What else can I say? What do you do with a friend in happy times? 

Does it get boring? Doesn't it? 

Life can't be so mean. Or should I face up to it?

GPRS settings for tata docomo on sasung star wifi s5233w

Tried different things put up at various forums on the net and this is what finally works on samsung star wi-fi. guess it should be the same for samsung star too.

Set name : (any name you like)

Bearer type: Packet data

Access name: TATA.DOCOMO.INTERNET

auth type: None

Leave user ID and password blank

Protocol: HTTP

Home url : http://divein.tatadocomo.com

Leave proxy address blank

Linger time : (I've left it at default 300 seconds. I'm no expert!)

Go to advance settings from there.
Leave static IP. and local phone IP.

enable static DNS (,/)

Leave both server 1 and server 2 at 0.0.0.0

Leave traffic class at subscribed ( I think that's the default position)

Press Ok

Then press SAVE seen at the bottom.

If you have set up more that one profile, choose the latest one that you just set up.

Got to the browser and try one of your bookmarks or enter a url.

Happy browsing!

Twists and turns

Twists and turns
Twitches at glitches
Past is past
But its ghost is in the future
Be who you are yet who you are
Is a bore;
Since you worry
To worry, and
that creates more worry.
Endless
Restless,
Peaceless,
In.pieces.
Rest and commotion-
Half brothers, they are
There is no lie, but love for the truth
The truth liberates
Mends your wings
Then, there comes peace again
But when that head is turned
The clutter manages again
'O Good and faithful, Servant'
Will that call fall upon me?
Sigh.
Sigh.
Lack of faith.
Lack of everything.
Yet, a promise for fullness of life.
The journey has started.
This is the real starting point.
Long way to go. It's a journey towards Ithaca
Enjoy the trip, let the destination come
Just when it has to;
Don't miss out, what's in between.

The sister's voice

My mother called me downstairs; it was prayer time. And I had been on the net for a while, but she had arrived in Cyber town, only 5 minutes ago.

"I have to go, chech."

"ok.... omg ...... I so miss talking to you...." she said and I could feel her missing me.

My sister who's countries away now. The only person who mothers me, the only person next beside whom I feel so mothered, and not uncomfortable. It sort of surpirsed me to hear her say that first.

" That means a lot to me:-)", I said, feeling my heart grow warm.


It wasn't often I heard it from her. It really did mean a lot to me. Her loving me was very important, because it gave me security; knowing that someone would correct you and had no qualms in not mincing words to tell me that I was doing something stupid, or for not keeping in touch with her. She had that special right which very, very few people have, or have assumed, like her.

She always listened me out. Every single bit, however long it was. Right from when I was 16.



"I reaaally love you......................................."








":-) me too, chech"





The love was just flowing. I had always felt second fiddle, never worth to be her brother. Because I wasn't as regular in calling her up, or turning up at her place on her birthday. I did make it a point to call. And meet her when she was down. But to know again, yet again, that she loved me so much, that she loved listening to me was reassuring. It cooled my heart; a special effect only people like her had. An elder sister.





"......you know that, rt?......" She continued, as if to reassure me.




She knew how to make people feel loved. And she knows how much I love her. And that was a special time. To know that someone loves you so deeply, although they know how stupid you can be, at times. She knows all my stupidity and she's seen me growing up. "You sound so mature", she told me once, 2 years ago, I think. "Is that good or bad?" , I asked, a tad anxiously. "No, it's good. You've just grown up, that's all."






"I do. I really do", I said, keeping my emotions in check, and hearing my mother call again.






"Hope to see you around soon...."




I was so happy inside. A special kind of happpiness where you maintain composure and feel that touch deep inside your heart. The effect which constant, genuine love alone could bring; only a sister to her little brother.

The muse of the midnight

I am attending a camp today.

It's 1:23 am and I must sleep soon. But there! I opened a tab to create a new blog post. It is not because I am addicted, which I might become if my connection was an unlimited-use one, it is because, I feel the need to tweak the blog, or read through old mails, check out new apps on the web, specially when I have crossed the usage limit. I even postponed a chat with my relative/friend, stating that I had crossed the line ( the net-usage line, friends).

There is a thrill going beyond what you must not. I felt it even while I was flashing away on my father's scooter. You shouldn't go beyond 60 kmph, but I keep doing it. It's too slow otherwise, I feel. There is a thrill in going beyond what stops you. Does creativity spark better there? Do you learn more then?

A thrill need not be the right thing. It need not help you at all, beyond the momentary feeling of it. And surely, it displays a complete lack of discipline. An inability to restrain yourself.
Success in life also depends on self-control. where you curb your wish to indulge and tread the path to short-term happiness, if it is happiness at all.

Crash.

That's where your life will be , at the end of it.

Go to sleep.

A quiet time.

Joe sat down for a quiet time.

"Can you bring me some water?"

"Ok." He goes fetches water for his mother. He goes back and sits down to read again

"Turn the stove off, please."

He goes again. (Phew!)

He is back to sit and read one of those books which he suddenly found interesting and gets even more gripping every time he si called to do something.

"Open the gate", growls dad.

He fetches the keys and opens the gate. then he takes hold of his book again. You might find him lightly gritting his teeth. (Is it bending? Would I need braces?)

He sits with his book, yet again and nods his head from side to side realising his patience wearing away.

"Joe"

He keeps silent.

"Joe . . ."

The voice grows louder. Joe sits where he is pretending to read.

"Joe!"

A feeling of indignation in the voice heard from down stairs.

Silence.

Joe can't read anymore. He keeps the book down and goes to find out what the latest need is.

You can't do only what you like every day of your life. Sometimes, or many a times, you just have to do things you don't like doing. One of the reasons you need to, is that many people did that when you weren't ab;e to do it yourself. There was a lot of sacrifice behind what you are and where you are today.

( I owe it to them. I must.)

Joe's tired. But he'll answer the call, nonetheless.

Apologies

Hello,

I just wanted to apologise for the post "Jabber, when I hate it". My li'l sis raised a doubt- whether I was fine after reading that. The very next time I read it I was taken aback at the different ways in which that post could be read! What a danger. There was a even a reference which applied generally to girls ( which I noticed only the second time, because it was a comment on the person about whom the post was written), which sounded even chauvinistic and I take back all of that.
1. Counsellors ought to be more responsible.
2. You can't just put up a general statement without affecting people, even if unintended.
3. If you still say stuff like that, man, you ought to get a better grip of your life.

I apologise for the negative statement about women on the post and take it back. Kindly excuse me.

And thanks to li'l sis for making me think! Expecting the same in the future.

By the way, the person, whom the post was about, doesn't even know that this blog exists.

The answer will never be

Why?

Why did you appear?

It hurts.

But I do love you.

6 months isn't a too long a time to get to know and become friends.

I just like you.

But you hurt me.

I'll still be here.