My new Addiction

You are my new addiction,
You are subtle and invigorating, going straight up the arteries
To the heart and then the brain.
Endearing it feels as I crack open the barriers
Letting you in, and myself out
We crossing each other on the airwave highway
I bet we'll keep crossing
But after that?

I just don't know.
It feels like before, but very very different
There's the explosive potential,
To grow, to deepen, to shape, to shine
And it scares me how it will end
There have been accidents before on this highway
And my 'caution' board hangs dusty, that
All I do these days is just ignore
At great risk ( and that's predictive)

Do I need to know where it goes?
Or do I do a Suji, " We'll see where it goes"?
Do we always need to know the end?
( as if we always know what the end is)
And why should there be an end?
Mama, your voice keeps coming back
And I shake my head
No. I want to prove you wrong,
As I don't want to have a life where relationships are shallow
And not 'not go so deep so as to not feel hurt. . . '

Feeling hurt means I went quite deep
Deep enough to risk being hurt
But the one's that have hurt me
I am still holding on
Even if the feelings aren't the same.

Why would the feeling have to change?
Is it bound to happen?

You are my new addiction,
Though you aren't brand new,
It was built over time with some deep values
So I wish that this addiction will stay
Or that I accept when the nature of the addiction changes

Oh God, I'm going to feel hurt again.

To the shores beyond

She called to say farewell

As she turned a new leaf;

'I want you to keep praying for me'.

The rails would take her

To the shores of a life new;

With the past behind her,

And faith like a mustard seed

With the forgiveness of

The merciful Father

She moves

To the shores beyond.

Fear grips her

My phone rings...

She pours her heart out

'I am scared, my dearest!'

But go she must -

To learn, to reflect

To further her horizons

To follow her heart's dreams

Away from the shackles that bound;

For a purposeful life

And with the Lord on her side

All she needs to do is,

Believe.

Easier said than done

For, a world of evil waits out there,

Seamless

She embarks on a new voyage

Given up her old self;

'I don't want mama crying

Nor my daddy's tears...

Though I am not close to them

I still love them'

(I just don't express)

Bags are being packed

Assurances are poured down

'When I think I can't handle it

I'll just give you a call,

How I wish you were there,

And I hope against hope ,

That you'll find work there.'

***

The phone calls lasted long

With stories on one end ,

Twisted with guilt and fear,

And on the other ,

A patient listening ear.

They went straight to my mind

Which said,

What a beautiful person now!

What a faithful heart!

How great a faith founded

A change that was made to last!

She gives me hope.

In a heart so tender

A faith that is yet slender

Still promising to stand by,

Her loving Saviour King.

'Your zeal for Him

Seems unmatchable',

Said I once; She replied,

'I've wronged,

But now I know God,

And I don't want to change,'

With a smile that melted my heart

Hearing the tender hearted faith

Of a real human being,

Who was once fallen on her knees

But now found hope.

Fear lingers

But I'll cheer her

As she completes every lap,

Fighting the dark knights

Of gossip and slander,

Dashing forward

With a zeal like never before,

To share the love and hope

Her Saviour's put in her heart

And one day she'll stand firm footed

Perhaps hand in hand,

With another tender hearted warrior

Embarking on another journey

To share what they received;

And I will still stand and cheer

The brave woman of faith

Who lived her all, His way

From the moment

The Lord touched her.

I will be here.

Calm before the storm

The sea is calm;
Calmer than usual,
Earlier, when the sky darkens,
And the clouds growl
The sea would rise,
Hoping to wipe them away;
Hoping to mute the noise;
Which turned it turbulent!
Today the sea is calm.
It makes the sailors curious...
The sea can't be so calm.
History has plenty of instances,
To show how men have been fooled
Still...
Could it be?
What does the sea say?
It just flows, sending it's currents to differnt regions;
There is no stopping in it's way.
Big fish, little fish, they all are taking in the calm
Not worried about shelter or quakes,
For the God of the sea has proved powerful
And powerful enought to calm any sea
As ever.

sharing boredom.

boredom comes with great food.
And the food is good still boredom's great
Trekking is fun, but still boredom continues.
So we plan more treks which never happen or get delayed
A morning run was planned, but I overslept.
So He missed his tea and the host is lazy.
It doesn't matter because he spent time in the bathroom reading.
But the grandpa's feeling uneasy coz the trip to the bathroom wasn't worthwhile.
Aww!!Poor him. Hope it works out the next time.
It's time for some biscuits, let me fetch from the tin.
Mmm. the taste of cookies!!never fails you.
Now what?
And, boredom continues...

Special Guest:Uduman

I am sleepy. No more black coffee. At least for a couple of days

It's nearly 4 pm and I am very very very sleepy. There is a class which I love attending, but I don't think I will be up the whole time, because my eyes are already feeling heavy.
I will watch Kung-fu Panda when I get home. I am tired because I sat up like an idiotchanging the colour of fonts within a word in my powerpoint presentation slides. That went on til 4 am.
No wonder.

As I do when I sit up late, I asked Aunty for some coffee so that I could stay up. Drank the whole flask over the night and all that balck coffee is rumbling in my stomach. It's a burnt up feeling. Nothing left in the stomach. The Black Coffee washed it all away, away, away...

What a wonder. 12 hours ago I was sitting in front of a borrowed lap top working slides and 12 hours later, still in front of a computer.
I feel like having a coffee now.

Wonder why I even wrote this post.

Depression, in and out.

She stood there next to Tom. I shy smile on her face, as she listened to we guys blabbing away about Bangalore Bands and the recent rock shows. She didn't seem to be on familiar ground yet didn't seem to mind either.
Bouts of depression come by to her and she takes medicines. But she falls back into it. Medication alone never helps, psychology as taught me that much.
What could be the reason behind it? What made her depressed the first time? When did it reach a state where she had to take professional help? Was there no one she could speak to and trust? Wasn't there anyone who could provide a conducive environment to bring her out of it?
In times like ours when every one is busy chasing happiness, sadness is the very thing one wants to avoid. Or is it a scared run-away from it, what is termed as the pursuit of happiness?


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Pic:
http://www.turbophoto.com/categories.php?keyword=sad+woman&cat_id=&pages=229&case=search&human=1&x=0&y=0

rooting for fruiting

The youth camp was such a refresher. I hadn't gone for a camp for such a long time. It had been really long since I laughed so much with my friends. I must admit that I felt realy accepted and very much part of our youth group when they took liberties to pull a fast one at me very often, be it anybody. The boys, especially, were really cool and were wiling to get 'heard' for the stupid things they were doing and yet be friends with me. Another highlight of the fun part is nobody made me feel "so older than us" as I was being one among all. There was no difference. We played, messed around with each other and were still serious about Christian life. I loved it. But the drawback for which even I am responsible is that except one or two, our church frineds, including me hardly mixed up with people from other churches - something I had been vociferously opposing and disliking at other camps. This time, I was in and stayed in the group, except for the few but very good friendships I made. It neary felt like a parish camp to me, where I felt the need to get closer to my folks, so that certain things can be driven across, while even I kept learning various dimensions to the very principles I highlighted.And we played some awesome footbal. I realised my capabilities as a forward (Specially because of low stamina compared to others due to lack of play). We fought hard. he first day we lost 3-5. The second day, we change the strategy to ATTACk-ATTACk-ATTACk. We won 3-0 hands down. With some practie we can be a seasoned team as we coordinate so well on field. Spiritually, we dug our roots deeper. And that's what the camp what the camp was all about - Rooting for fruiting.

Blogging away

As many of you might agree, running a blog when you don't have an internet connection of your own can be a drag affair. Running to a cafe every time you derive inspiratiopn. The problem aggravates when you don't have a computer either. May be this speaks about my dying passion for blogging. Not that nobody at all reads this blog. It's just that time - something very elusive - needs to be spent on it. You need to have the energy when you have those lovely ideas and thoughts, to type them down and then load it up. Is this the marker of the death of a 5 year old blog?
Ding dong,
ding dong,
ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding ding...
The death knell sounds.

Or am I reading too much into it?